Joining The Self-Love Revolution With Jonathan Troen


Tired of looking in the mirror and picking yourself apart? Sick of laying in bed running through the failures of the day? Exhausted from running on the hamster wheel trying to keep up with the Jones’? You’re not alone! Today’s guest spent 20 years in the entertainment industry, interviewing the biggest stars in the world, and he found they all had one thing in common:  despite their fame and their riches, they were unhappy. 
Understanding that success did not equal happiness, Self-Love Revolution creator Jonathan Troen made it his mission to uncover the secret to creating a joyful, happy, and fulfilling life, and he has dedicated the last 15 years to teaching people how to create joy in all areas of their lives.
In this episode, Jonathan chats with Ellie Shefi about the magic that unfolds when you speak kindly to yourself; support, accept, and encourage yourself; show yourself grace, practice forgiveness, and treat yourself as you would your best friend. Join us as Jonathan shares an easy-to-implement four step practice that you can use to create a life filled with joy, happiness, and self-love.


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Joining The Self-Love Revolution With Jonathan Troen

Our guest spent twenty years in the entertainment industry interviewing the biggest stars in the world. He found that they all had one thing in common. Despite their fame and riches, they were unhappy. Understanding that success did not equal happiness, Life Mastery Coach Jonathan Troen made it his mission to figure out how he could help people create joy in all areas of their lives. He devoted many years to developing his signature methodology and launching the Self Love Revolution. Jonathan, welcome to the show.

Thank you so much. I'm so happy to be here with you.

How did you become an expert on self-love?

Expert is a big word there. Let's be clear to everyone. I'm still practicing. It is an everyday practice. On paper, I was living the dream life. I was living in Hollywood, interviewing the biggest stars in the world, living three blocks from the beach, and I could see the sunset out my window. It was a beautiful life, except I wasn't happy and I couldn't figure out why. I did everything they taught me to do, “Create your life, carve out your life.” I did all that and I thought, “What is wrong with me?” What I discovered was that we are our own worst enemies.

It didn't matter what kind of successes I had. At the end of the day, I was a bully to myself. I would beat myself up and pick out the things that went wrong that day, even if it was a great day. Every day, things go well and things don't go as you had planned. That is every day and there is a mixture of that. I would always focus on the things that were not going well. That is what I would do. Before I went to bed, I would review everything that went wrong. I beat myself up about it. I go to sleep, wake up and I would feel like crap. It was this crazy cycle and I couldn't do it anymore.

I left the entertainment business, trying to figure out what I was going to do with the rest of my life. In a way, I’m trying to figure out what was wrong with me. I went on this search to figure out what was wrong with me. I discovered a couple of things. One is that other people were going through the same thing. There were a lot of people that were successful on paper but weren't happy. That was honestly a big epiphany for me because I thought I was the only one who was messed up.

To understand that you are not alone in that journey and nothing was wrong with you is a powerful realization.

I live three blocks from the beach. I live on 3rd Street. I pass 2nd Street and then Ocean Avenue when I go to the beach. There were these stairs that went down to the beach and then there were all the houses on the beach. I would still sit there and compare myself to every other person, even though I’ve achieved many of my goals. I'm not going to say that I’ve achieved every goal I had, but I’ve achieved many of them. As soon as I would achieve one, I would celebrate for about two minutes and then I would compare myself to someone who is still further down the line than I was. That would make me feel crap again. I lived in this cycle of comparison, which most of us do because it is what we were taught in school, to compare.

Courage is a skill, just like playing basketball or playing the piano, and skills can be practiced.

Comparison is the thief of joy. To your point of looking around, you had all these amazing things and yet comparing made you feel like there were things you were failing at or other people were better at.

There will always be someone that is further along than you are in something even if you are number one at the top. One is how long you can sustain that for, and you are not going to be number one in everything. There is so much opportunity to compare yourself. To answer the original question, how did I figure out this world of self-love? I went on this journey and figured out what was wrong with me. I will cut to the short person version. Here is what I found out and it was huge. There was nothing wrong with me.

I spent decades trying to pretend I was someone else. I’m trying to be good enough and be like that person there that was already doing stuff and was further along. I was always trying to be somebody else, not me. To have that freedom to go, “There is nothing wrong with me. Do you mean I can wake up and just be Jonathan and that's okay?” Talk about peace and freedom.

Tell me a little bit more because I think that journey is so relatable. Many people are going through that, keeping up with the Joneses or comparing themselves to what they see on social media. They are comparing their body to what they see in magazines. They are comparing what they have to what someone else has, and thinking that something is wrong with them, that they are not good enough, not smart enough, not pretty enough, or not thin enough, all the nonsense that comes with living in comparison. Tell us a little bit more about what your life felt like? What your experience of life was before you discovered self-love?

It is exhausting and burnout because it doesn't matter how great a job you are doing, we still beat ourselves up. It is exhausting to do that. If you dig deeper into it, why do we do these things? Why are we looking for the right job? Why do we want all the money in the bank? Why do we want our bodies to look a certain way? We do this so that we can impress other people so that they will like us, they will say things about us and pay attention to us.

All these things we are doing so that people will look at us in a way that makes us feel good about ourselves. What the self-love practice does is it takes out that middleman of needing someone else to say, “You are good enough.” You wake up in the morning and say, “You are good enough. Jonathan, you look great. You are awesome just the way you are.” Instead of waiting for someone else to say it, you say it to yourself.

The magic of it is when you do this, it is a lot more peaceful. To be clear, are there good days and bad days, folks? Yes. Are there difficult times? Yes. It's just that the difficult times aren't so exhausting. We take out the middleman. When we do that, the other people that you are trying to impress, you radiate different energy, and more people are attracted to that energy. You get what you want, which is liking yourself. You get the bonus that other people like you too, instead of the game that we are playing which is trying to get other people to like you so that you like yourself. It is a game that doesn't work long-term.

What would you say is the first step that someone can take who is still caught up in needing that external validation, accolades and achievements? What can they do to shed that and come home to themselves?

Start by simply saying one kind thing to yourself every day. I'm not going to say, "Get rid of all the negative self-talk.” It doesn't go away completely anyway, at least for anybody I know from my experience. I know people who have been doing this work for even longer than I have, and I have been doing it for a long time as well.

People say, “Change your thoughts,” and all that stuff. You don't have to change all your thoughts. What you can do is add one thought a day, look yourself in the mirror and say something kind and loving to yourself. If you do this every day, it will soon begin to become a habit. You will start saying 2, 3, 4 or 5 things. It may not be right away but it will happen.

What self-love really is, when you boil it down, is the process of becoming your own best friend. If a friend of ours was having a difficult day, they knocked on our door and said, “I'm having a difficult day,” we would invite them in. We would give them a hug, sit them on the couch, and offer them a cup of tea. We would hold space for them, but when we are having a bad day, we beat ourselves up, “Suck it up and do better.” We need to start treating ourselves as a friend.

If a friend came over and they were wearing something, you would say, “You are looking great.” We look in the mirror and go, “You look like crap. There is another gray hair and another wrinkle here.” We beat ourselves up nonstop. We are our own worst bullies. We have to stop bullying ourselves and be a friend with ourselves. Say something kind like, “Jonathan, I like your eyes today. You were a great dad today.”

I'm not going to say that there aren't things you could have done better. There are, but what are you going to focus on? When you focus on all the negative, that is what you are amplifying. I acknowledge all my screw-ups. They are tons to them, but what do I focus on at the end of the day before I go to bed? I’ll share what I used to do. I review the day and focus on everything bad. What I do now is I review the day, acknowledge things that could have gone differently, and then I replay the whole day with all the accomplishments I made.

Focusing on the success, the accomplishments, what went well, and where you showed up for yourself. That is profound. It is something that seems so simple but it makes such a difference. I love what you said about becoming your own best friend.

Imagine if you could come home to your best friend every day and it was you. Your happiness is no longer reliant on other human beings. To be just clear, that doesn't mean that connection is not important. We are wired for connection and we are here to be with other people. I want to be very clear about that. This isn't about leaving other people behind, but your joy is not reliant on them. If they leave the picture or something happens, you still get to have your joy inside because it comes from you.

You referenced earlier the moments where self-criticism, limiting beliefs or paradigms creep in. How do you silence your inner critic? How do you smash through that limiting belief or the imposter syndrome that might occasionally rear its head?

Forgiveness is giving up hope that the past can be different.

I don't silence my inner critic anymore. When I first went through coach training and all that stuff, I learned about that. It was your inner critic. Here are the tools and strategies to banish the inner critic and to fight fear. I don't fight fear either. Fear is magical and I love fear. It is powerful if you learn how to harness the energy of fear. I don't deny any parts of me anymore.

In the Self Love Revolution, there are 13 saboteurs or 13 inner critics. The reality is that most of them are parts of us that in earlier versions of ourselves or earlier parts of our lives had trouble. Maybe they didn't get the love they needed and they are trying to protect us. Instead of going, "Bad you, I'm going to banish you,” I now have conversations with them. I welcomed them in. I befriend them. I go, “What is going on? Are you afraid?”

A procrastinator is one of the thirteen saboteurs or inner critics. "Procrastinator, I see you are here.” Perfectionist or you didn't do that good enough, “I see you are here. Is there something you were afraid of? Is there something that I can do?” The thing is when you fight them, they get stronger. By simply observing them and taking a step back, they don't need to get louder and stronger.

The next step of that is they are also the inner guides. I didn't say get rid of them. Once you soften the voice of the inner critics, and make them feel heard and understood, that is all anybody wants in this world. It is to be seen, heard, loved and understood, including those parts of us that we try to hide. Once they feel seen, heard, loved and understood, you bring in your inner guides, future self, intuitive self, the adventurer, the courageous one, the people that have your back, and by people, it is you.

We are all a little schizophrenic. I’m not a doctor. I'm not saying that in the medical term, but we all have these multiple personalities in us. If you listen to yourself talk, you are going to hear it, then you bring in your inner guides. They guide you to the most beautiful places in the world. You all have access to them. The inner critics are the loud ones. Those soft voices that you hear something and you go, “It is a good idea. I will do that in five minutes,” and you will do it, those are your inner guides whispering to you. It is about creating that bond with your inner guides and making it strong. Our bonds with our inner critics are strong. With our inner guides, they are weak. It is like we have been going to the gym and exercising the muscles of the inner critic. It is reversing it and making the muscles of the inner guides strong.

For someone new on that journey or someone who is quite experienced in beating themselves up, being their inner bully, listening to the inner critic, yelling at themselves, and for someone who is going, “There are guides and softer voices that can help me?” How would you advise them to begin to amplify and to tap into those messages, and to shift their behaviors, patterns and paradigms?

Let me start by saying I get it. It is a little bit woo-woo. It’s a little crazy out there. I share this with people and they say, “Do you want me to talk to myself?” “Yes, I want you to talk to yourself,” but the thing is you are already talking to yourself nonstop every single day. Listen to yourself, you are talking to yourself. I'm just saying, “Why don't you have a different kind of conversation?”

A lot of us get overwhelmed. It is like, “There are so much to do. Should I do this and should I do that?” There is only one thing you can do at any given time. If you want to know what you were supposed to do, all you need to do is pause and ask this simple question, “What is my next best action?” That's it and you pause. You will get an answer.

One of the scariest things in the world is to do what that answer tells you to do. Sometimes, it's not but sometimes it's like, “That is what I'm supposed to do now? No.” What you have to do is practice courage. Courage is a skill. It isn't a trait that some people are born with and some people aren't born with. It is a skill like playing basketball or playing the piano, and skills can be practiced.

You are probably going to suck at it first if you haven't been practicing, but you can practice. Practice does not make perfect, but practice does make better. Ask the question, what is my next best action? What should I do right now? Get the answer and then practice courage. It is as simple as that, but you have to start having these conversations with yourself. You need to change the conversation that you are already having.

For someone who says, “I'm going to ask myself, what is my next best step? What is my next best action? I'm going to summon the courage and I'm going to do it,” then they go into overwhelm and freeze. They don't take that action. They want to summon that courage and exercise that muscle but they are frozen, overwhelmed and inaction. What is something that you can advise them to take that first step?

Let's take it all back a little bit because there is a step before all of this, and this is the practice of acceptance. When you feel that overwhelm, what are you feeling? You are feeling a physical sensation in your body and it is a sensation that you don't like, so you are fighting it. What we have to learn to do is accept physical sensations in our body, even the ones we don't like.

There is a fear there because we have been told it is not good to feel these things. We need to banish them and get rid of them, but you know it doesn't work because most of us have been trying this for decades and it doesn't work. What does work is to pause and to accept. These thoughts are running around. I feel my heart is beating and my chest is tight. Don't try and change it.

This is a teaching of Thich Nhat Hanh. What he says is you don't say, “I am overwhelmed, I am angry or I am afraid.” It is, “There's sadness, anger, fear or overwhelm inside of me.” What I said before about being seen, heard and understood is a part of me that wants to be seen, heard and understood. What do you say? You feel the overwhelm and you simply say, “I see you, I hear you, I will not fight you. I will be here for as long as you need me to be here.” Do that and watch what happens.

The first thing that people say is, “It didn't go away.” As if it is magically supposed to get rid of in ten seconds something that you have been building up for 10, 20, 30, 40 or 50 years. The goal is not to make it go away. The goal is to see you as you are and to be your friend. Over time, if you do this, it may not go away. It will lessen its hold over you.

That is one thing. The other thing you can do is let's go back to treat yourself like your best friend. If your best friend was knocking at your door going, “I'm so overwhelmed. I don't know what to do,” what would you do for them? Can you do that for yourself? Maybe you need a bath or get a massage. That is the thing. When you asked, “What is my next best action?” Most people think it has to be something related to work. Often it is but sometimes that voice says, “Go get a massage or get some ice cream.” “That is so self-indulgent. I can't do that.” If that is what the voice is telling you, that is what you have to do.

There are things that can bring moments of happiness, fun, and good times. These are great, but we have to begin to find the joy inside of ourselves.

What do you do for your self-care? What do you do to indulge yourself and replenish your cup?

There are four pillars of self-love. The first is acceptance. Accept what is happening, not the story of what is overwhelming me or what is making me sad, angry or afraid. These are not negative emotions. There is no such thing as a negative emotion. There are human emotions. We have to learn how to practice acceptance.

The second pillar is gratitude and it follows the science, folks. Your body is a chemical manufacturing machine. Gratitude helps your brain and your body manufacture the chemicals of serotonin and oxytocin. These are the good ones and the happiness ones. Gratitude is such an easy way to fill your cup up. Now this one is big. The third pillar is forgiveness. You got to practice forgiveness. I have a daily forgiveness practice and I practice every single day. It is probably the biggest change I have ever made in my life. Forgiveness is the number one skill none of us have been taught.

Take us into your practice before you go into the fourth pillar. What does your practice look like?

There are two sides to it. One is a longer meditation. It was a part of the Self Love Revolution Course but if you are reading this and you want that, get in touch with me and I will share it with you. That one is to work through stuff in our past, either forgiveness of ourselves or someone else that have been stewing in our heads for months and years.

That story you keep replaying in your head every day, if only that would have gone differently, my whole life would be different right now, but it is not. It doesn't matter how often you replay the story differently, we are here now. I'm happy to share that longer meditation with anybody. Let's define forgiveness. Forgiveness is giving up hope that the past can be different. I didn't make that up.

Say that one more time for our audience because that is so critical. What is forgiveness?

Forgiveness is giving up hope that the past can be different.

That ties right back into your point about not the story, but you are here now.

It doesn't mean that what someone else did is okay. It also doesn't mean what you did or didn't do is okay, but it can't be different. This is what I do every night before I go to bed. These are the words, “With that understanding, that forgiveness is giving up hope that the past can be different, I forgive myself and anyone else who has hurt or offended me physically, monetarily, emotionally, knowingly or unknowingly.” Half the time, if it is someone else, they don't know they did it.

“I wish them no harm.” That one is important because how many times we were replaying in our head, “I hope this happens to them. I hope they feel the pain I'm feeling.” “I accept this moment as it is,” back to acceptance, “I release myself from any future pain. I forgive myself and anyone else who has hurt or offended me physically, monetarily or emotionally,” I changed the order of those. The order doesn't matter, “Knowingly or unknowingly. I wish them no harm. I accept this moment as it is and I release myself from any future pain.”

That clears the whole day of all the screw-ups I did. I forgive myself. I'm done. The things that other people did that hurt or upset me are gone. I don't have to go to bed with it anymore. I don't need to wake up with it the next morning. The single biggest change I have made in my life is having a daily forgiveness practice.

That is so profound. It is something that ties in with acceptance and gratitude. It is an actionable thing that each and every person can do regardless of where they are in life and what their circumstances are to set themselves free through the daily practice of forgiveness. That is incredibly powerful. Thank you for sharing that with us and for going through your specific practice. What is the fourth pillar in self-love?

The fourth pillar is what we spoke about before. It is being kind to yourself. The words of self-love. It is looking yourself in the mirror and going, “You look great.” I used to pick my face apart and all the things that I didn't like about it every time I looked in the mirror. Now it's like, “This wrinkle is a newer one.” When I first see it, “There is a new wrinkle,” but then I pause and I go, “Wrinkle, welcome to the family.”

Most of life is lived in the in-between, the mundane. When you can find joy and beauty in the mundane, now you've got an awesome life.  

It is a different way of looking at ourselves. Most of us will complain when our neck hurts, but when our neck doesn't hurt, how often are you thanking your neck for being able to turn your head? We will complain when our knee hurts walking up the stairs. How often are you thanking your knee for carrying you your whole entire life? We learned to complain about ourselves and to look at ourselves with unkindness. We need to switch that and have gratitude.

I mentioned gratitude before. A part of it is gratitude. When we think of gratitude, we often think out of circumstances. Now these things are to be grateful for, the outer circumstances. We have to add how can we be grateful for what we have, for this body, for us and for all of it? There is so much to be grateful for.

I will be honest with you. It has become such a habit with me. It didn't start out this way. We always want to compare ourselves. People that are trying to start this journey compare themselves to me and go, “He's got it figured out.” It was not always like this. I will be at the airport, go to the bathroom and there are mirrors there. I see myself and go, “Jonathan, you are awesome. I love you just the way you are.” It has become so much of a habit. Of course, I had to practice it as a habit.

It’s so profound. You mentioned this incredible journey that you are on, and your mission to help people become their own best friends and practice self-love. What is your core why? What’s your burning desire and driving force?

My mission is to help people find the joy inside of themselves. Most of us are searching for joy outside of us and it doesn't exist there. There are things that can bring moments of happiness, fun, good times, and these are great, but we have to begin to find the joy inside of ourselves. This follows the science stuff. A lot of what we are talking about is emotional intelligence, understanding our emotions and why they are there. That's what acceptance is.

It is being able to go, “This is what overwhelm, fear and anger feel like.” We have been taught, “Don't feel these things.” Feel these things but understand them. According to science, the number one predictor of future success is emotional intelligence, but we are not teaching it in schools. A big dream of mine is to follow the science and not have special social-emotional learning classes at school. It is great they are doing that. It is the first step, but teach science in schools, what your body is going through when it’s experiencing anxiety and stress.

I'm not talking about mine in particular, but my wife runs the Kids Life Mastery Program through our yoga studio. The kids she gets, many of them were in high school. They were put under so much stress and anxiety. I want this stuff to be taught in Science class in schools because it is science. To get to a bigger why, this is shared on page on one of my website, I do believe that if we taught this stuff at schools, bullying would disappear. If we understand the emotions that are going on inside of us, we don't need to bully.

At the same time, if we understand the emotions that are going on inside of us, we are not going to wind up being a victim. Because we don't understand what is going on, I just know that I need to be better than someone else. That is what you are taught. Be better than someone else and don't be the same as someone else.

We wind up in a lot of trouble. We get a lot of bullying and school shootings. I want to help people find the joy inside of themselves. I believe a side effect of that if we can teach it nationwide would be, if not eradicate, certainly lessening the bullying and mass shootings. Not to go on a dour point there but I believe that is how powerful this work is.

People need to be kind to themselves so that they can be kinder to other people because we live in this world, which is so divided today.

When did you realize that was your mission? Was there an epiphany or an event or something that set you on this path because that is an incredible mission and it is so needed?

I made the connection between that a few years ago. It was after a school shooting and a friend posted online about why is this happening and why can't we figure it out. I wrote a page-long response to her, which she then ended up sharing. She has been followed by many people. That was when I made the connection that if we could find this joy in ourselves and we were taught how to, it could be different. We wouldn't have to take our pain out on other people.

Most of us take our pain out on other people. We want other people to suffer because we don't feel great. There is a lot of anxiety in our society. It is not going away tomorrow, and people are trying to figure out how to get rid of it. I can tell you how to lessen it maybe, but I'm not going to tell you how to get rid of it. I am going to teach you how to accept it so that you don't feel like you need to take it out on someone else.

Bosses are taking it out on their employees. Employees are taking it out on these people. It is this crazy line of how do we get the next person to feel what I'm feeling because I don't want to feel it alone. It was this other person that highlighted the connection for me. You mentioned in the very beginning that I spent time in the entertainment business. My first career was in radio.

I remember the day I chose to get into radio. I was in junior high and I was the picked-on person. I’m having a bad day at school. I went home and turned on the radio. The DJ played a song and said something funny, and I had a smile on my face. I said, “That is what I want to do. I want to put a smile on people's faces,” so I got into radio.

That evolved into a career in the entertainment world. What I did was I forgot about that reason, which is putting a smile on people's faces. My purpose was to get a better job title and make more money so I could impress other people at parties and things like that. They would want to hang out with me. Eventually, I had to leave the entertainment business.

What I say now is, “I want to help people find the joy inside of themselves.” If you hear that, my original goal was to put a smile on people's faces. Now is to help people find the joy side of themselves. They are very similar. It is just with a new understanding that I have that I didn't have at 13, 20, 25, 30 or 40. I thought we could make people happy from the outside and I could have a role in that. Now I know it has to come from the inside, and I can teach people how to open that door for themselves.

That is amazing and is so needed. Throughout the pandemic, the increasing isolation, the shift to everything being online and therefore, the amplification of seeing everyone else's Instagram life, the images portrayed, and the comparisons that we spoke about earlier. What have you seen shift within the people that are coming to you to learn self-care and self-love? What is the biggest difference you have noticed within them since the pandemic?

The pandemic has been hard for a lot of people. When things first started, I wrote this piece that I shared with people, “It is okay not to be okay.” The people were struggling and it's okay. If you are not feeling great, it's okay. There are a lot of people that were doing great but felt guilty that so many people were suffering, and it was a windfall for them. It was good. They got to spend more time with family. They were excited about it. Some created new jobs that could only happen because of this. I had to write another piece that, “It is okay to be doing great.”

I had to write a third one that, “It is okay to be in the middle too.” Not to be a mess, not to be celebrated, and just to be in the middle here. The whole process is a pathway to accepting ourselves. What's the change is accepting ourselves as we are. Things are great, accept it. You don't have to feel guilty because other people are suffering. Things are difficult. You don't have to worry about it. It's difficult, feel it. Don't try and hide it, just feel it.

If things are in-between, great. The truth is when you can embrace the in-between, that is when the door to life's magic opens. A lot of people think gratitude is when something great happens or big things happen. Yes, be grateful for those but those things don't happen every day. You are not closing the big deal every day. You are not meeting the perfect person every single day. We are waiting for the big things or the difficult things so we can figure a way out of it. Most of life is lived in the in-between or the mundane. When you can find joy and beauty in the mundane, now you've got an awesome life.

What would you say to help somebody be able to be present in each moment and to recognize, embrace and celebrate the mundane? What is your key for being present?

First, you are not going to start off being present in every moment. Even after years, I'm certainly not present in every moment, but just having a daily practice of presence, whether you follow my meditations, Thich Nhat Hanh, Eckhart Tolle or lots of great teachers. It is being here in the moment and feeling the table. I can feel the chair.

I have a yoga practice and we have a mindfulness center here in Austin, Texas, where we teach yoga and other mindfulness activities. You have to have practice. It doesn't need to be half-hour every day. If you start meditating a half-hour or an hour every day, it is profound. Take 1 or 2 minutes, or one breath is one meditation.

Thich Nhat Hanh talks about bringing meditation into daily life. We are not wandering off and going into the ashram. It's like, “How do we do it in daily life?” He talked about when you were at the red light. When most of us were at the red light, “When it’s going to change?” He talks about, “It is an opportunity to observe the breath.” That is certainly a lot more fun. When the phone rings, instead of just grabbing it, pause and take a breath. How do you want to respond when you pick up the phone? All frazzled?

It's taking moments of awareness. The more you meditate for one minute a day, you will probably begin to like it and you will want to do it for two minutes. If you begin to practice in this way, you will start doing it more if it is beneficial for you. If it is not, then you have to find another mindfulness practice. Do yoga and things like that, but you have to begin to feel.

We have been taught not to feel, don't be sad, angry or afraid. When we were taught this, they are saying, “Don't be human.” All humans are at times sad, angry and afraid. This is a process of knowing, “I'm sad now.” It's okay. It’s not the story but what does it feel like? “I'm angry right now." It’s not replaying, “He did that,” and not replaying that over and over but going, “What does it feel like?”

It is having compassion for this body that is feeling anger. We have to start feeling. That is the science. Follow the science and start feeling, and understanding what is happening inside of your body. My son is in first grade and he is in a great school. I'm not putting anything down. He loves his teachers and he is having a great time there. It fascinates me how much we teach about outer space, planets, and all of that, which is important. I think we should know where the planets are. What fascinates me is how much we teach them about outer space but not what is happening here. I think we need to start teaching that. The more you can begin to study you and your body, the more present you will become in many, if not every moment.

Let's imagine that you have come to the end of your life and it has been the life best lived. You have instilled in your children and community. You have impacted the world to be present, to love and accept yourself, to be your own best friend, to practice gratitude and forgiveness, to come home to yourself and stand up in your life, what is the story you want to be told about you? What do you want them to say?

This is true. I don't care what they say about me. I know I’m supposed to leave a legacy. It’s supposed to be about us. I hope they are kind to themselves. If more people are kind to themselves, that is the legacy I want to leave. There are great teachers before me. I learned from Louise Hay and many other people. I don't care if they remember my name. If they do, great.

I'm not going to be upset that they do, but I want people to be kind to themselves so that they can be kinder to other people because we are living in this world, which is divided now. It is because we are afraid and we keep building up the fear on all sides. If we can begin to reduce that and be kinder to ourselves, therefore a side effect of that is we can be kinder to other people. If we can be forgiving of ourselves, the side effect of that is we are forgiving of other people, even those that we don't agree with. That's the legacy that I want to leave behind.

It’s so needed for people to just be kind to yourself, show yourself grace, compassion and forgiveness. It’s so important the points about being in the here and now, being present, being grateful, accepting things as they are, not getting caught up in the story of it, allowing yourself to acknowledge and feel. I love the points of don’t silence or stifle the voices that come up, the fear and the doubt, but rather acknowledge it and have that conversation. How can people learn more about you and connect with you? How can they become part of the Self Love Revolution?

Go to There is a button there somewhere on that page that says, “Join the revolution.” Click it and join the revolution. It is a revolution because there are a lot of people that do not want you to live this way. People who are afraid and in pain buy a lot of stuff so that they feel better. There are a lot of forces that don't want you to practice this way. If you want to live differently, this is the revolution. You can find me, @JonathanTroen, on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, and all the regular places too. I would be happy to connect with you, but please let's join this revolution, spread the revolution, and let's start living differently.

Everyone, connect with Jonathan and join the revolution. Any parting words that you would like to share with our audience?

I want you to go to the mirror right now and say one kind thing to yourself. Start there, one kind thing to yourself, and then do it as an experiment. This is an experiment. If the old way didn't work, try and experiment. If you do it for a month and it doesn't work for you, let me know. I would love to know your experience but try it. One kind thing every day for the next month, and then see what the results are.

Thank you so much, Jonathan, for being here. You have shared so many golden nuggets on the power of becoming your own best friend, the practice of self-love, being the embodiment of love, kindness, gratitude, acceptance, and forgiveness for yourself and for others. Until next time.


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About Jonathan Troen

Today’s guest spent 20 years in the entertainment industry, interviewing the biggest stars in the world, and he found they all had one thing in common:  despite their fame and their riches, they were unhappy. Understanding that success did not equal happiness, Life Mastery Coach Jonathan Troen made it his mission to figure out how he could help people create joy in all areas of their lives. He devoted the next 15 years to developing his signature methodology and launching the Self Love Revolution. Welcome Jonathan!